Take Time Out For a Good Time

When I was in high school (I think...maybe it was middle school? I'm pretty sure it was high school), I went to a week-long creative writing workshop camp at the community college in my hometown. One of the exercises was to write a story based on a headline which went: "Take Time Out for a Good Time." And we all wrote stories about taking someone named Time out on a date.
Now that I'm an adult, my name is Time and I want to take myself out.
  Have you ever taken yourself out on a date? It’s kind of a wonderful thing. When I was home from college during Christmas break years ago, I decided to give myself a solo date night. I bought myself some eggnog and rented a movie (On Golden Pond) and informed my family that I would be in my room for a while on a solo-date, so don’t bother me. When I moved to Illinois and lived alone, I still practiced self-care by giving myself solo-date nights. I remember needing a night out during Advent once. So, I went to a sports bar for dinner, went to Dairy Queen and bought myself a candy cane Oreo blizzard, and then went to see the house near me that had Christmas lights set to music.
            Sometimes we just need time for ourselves, to recharge. I’ve heard busy moms talk about how the most sacred time they have is when they are in the bathroom: it’s the one place they have a chance to not be bothered. Solitude is a spiritual practice. It differs from loneliness. Loneliness is a kind of heaviness; there’s a sense of loss, of something missing. Solitude, in contrast, has a lightness to it: a kind of relief and for a moment, the world stops spinning so fast. In his book Life Together, German pastor and writer Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes about how the fellowship of community and solitude go hand in hand: we can practice solitude knowing that we have a community praying with and for us so that we do not feel loneliness when we are alone. We know that God is with us: it’s why we recognize Jesus as Emmanuel – God with us, even when we are practicing solitude.
            Solo date nights are wonderful, though solo-date nights out might seem like a pipe dream if you’re a single parent or if the weather is bad. But I encourage you to seek out those spaces for me-time. Maybe it’s when the kids go to bed. Sometimes it’s a luxury just to go to bed early. Maybe it’s sixty seconds during the workday, you just find an empty hallway and take four or five deep breaths. Self-care comes in many forms, and it’s important for our spiritual health to practice good self-care not just for our bodies and minds, but for our spirits as well. When our spirits are at rest, we face busyness with clear heads and we are often more pleasant to be around. I can't tell you how much I appreciate my husband for knowing this about me and giving me space when he knows I need space.
            On the subject of meditation, Bonhoeffer wrote, “It is not necessary that we should have any unexpected, extraordinary experiences in meditation. This can happen, but if it does not, it is not a sign that the meditation period has been useless.” I think that’s important. Solitude is a spiritual practice for the self; there are no (and should not be) expectations to have a lofty spiritual awakening. Let yourself be quiet, if only for a moment. If you live alone, you can carve out ways in your life to achieve solitude. If you live with family, make it a part of your family conversation to encourage each other to take time out for solitude.
            There’s a joke that goes like this: Most of the punishments I received as a kid are the luxuries I want as an adult. “Go to your room.” “You get a time out.” “You can’t go out with friends this week.” There’s some profound truth in that, no?
            We need solitude. We need space to recharge our spiritual batteries. Even extroverts who feel the most spiritually alive when they are around other people need solitude from time to time. This winter, if you find yourself feeling a little cabin feverish, consider how you might create space for solitude. Take advantage of the time inside. Find beauty in the quiet of a snowfall and rest in the fresh cup of hot cocoa, even if you have to drink it while sitting on the edge of a bathtub with the door locked.

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