Listen Up

      A few years ago, I went to a workshop on listening. I think I’m a pretty good listener, but it’s always good to work on listening skills. In the workshop, we had to find a partner. Each partner got to talk for two minutes while the other person listened. The workshop leader challenged us to just listen without making any kind of sounds at all. Not even the occasional “Mmhmm” sound! We were allowed to nod and were encouraged to maintain eye contact. It was a kind of active listening that I hadn’t experienced before; the idea of not making the designated sounds to show I’m listening was unexpected. It was a positive experience and when I’m listening now, I try to let my body language and eye contact show the “listening sounds” better than a verbal “mmhmm.”

            Some people are really amazing listeners. Some people are amazing listeners because it’s embedded into them and some people learn amazing listening skills. Most of the time, I think I’m a good listener. And other times, I know my listening skills can leave something to be desired, like when my phone is in my hand. As much as my phone serves as a technology that helps me, it is a distraction when I’m trying to listen.

            I’ve been struggling to come up with a blog entry. The other night I was writing in my journal, wondering what’s on my heart this week to write about. I thought of all the things that are on my heart. What’s on my heart is the question of whether or not a comment is racist simply because other people agree with you (the answer: yes. Yes it is.). What’s on my heart is the fact that an article in the local newspaper showed that so far, the number of shootings in our area here for half of 2019 is higher than all of 2018. What’s on my heart is immigration and how I have no idea how you find a balance between secure borders and trying to give people humane and graceful changes at a better life. What’s on my heart is all these things and a couple of personal issues that aren’t for a blog entry.

            And then this verse came up in my reading, from Jeremiah 17:23, “Yet they did not listen or incline their ear; they stiffened their necks and would not hear or receive instruction.” The context is that Jeremiah’s community isn’t listening to Sabbath laws. But that verse hit something in me. From The Voice translation: “But even then, they did not listen or pay attention to me.”

            And I wonder how well I’ve been listening lately.

            I wonder how well any of us have been listening lately.

            Do you listen when someone is hurt by something someone else said? Do you listen to what protestors (on both sides of the aisle) say they want? Do you listen without trying to offer advice or “bright sides” or thoughts about “God’s plan” or solutions to problems that you neither created nor can fix?

            We’ve become quick to dismiss things. We’ve become numb to the statements and situations that used to shock us. We’ve unfriended and snoozed social media accounts from those we might still love but don’t want to listen to anymore. We suffer from what some call “trauma fatigue” and what others call “information overload.” We have forgotten how to just listen.

            Julian Treasure, a “sound expert” talks about how we’ve lost our listening. He talks about how we’re losing our listening and how we can do better. He even talks about how we need to teach listening skills in schools. Check out his TED talk here. He offers some great advice on how to improve listening.

            I think we need to do better. If we’re ever going to make strides to improve our society and our relationships, we have to do better with our listening. “Every human being needs to listen consciously in order to live fully,” Julian Treasure said. That’s how we build connections.

Try this. Find a partner. A friend, a spouse, one of your kids, a fellow church member…find someone and sit with them for a moment. Agree to talk for two minutes a piece without making the “listening sounds.” Simply listen. Answer this: What’s on your mind today? Talk for two minutes. Then let your partner talk for two minutes. Or flip a coin, rock paper scissors lizard spock it to figure out who goes first. What’s on your mind today? Simply listen. You may nod. Maintain eye contact. Make no sounds. Do not interrupt. Don’t say “me too.” Simply listen.