Visiting and Connecting

             As a pastor, I do a decent amount of visits to homes, nursing homes, and hospital rooms. I find the one-on-one meetings meaningful, though some visits are arguably harder than others. I find visits especially hard when the person I visit doesn’t have family nearby to visit them. Loneliness is a very real emotion, which is why it’s so important to me to at least let a person know that their church thinks about them and loves them.

            Families are complicated, and the reality is that visits aren’t always feasible. It gets even more difficult when the visitee (my word. Feel free to use it!) struggles to communicate. Long-distant family members may have a hard time reaching out to loved ones that can’t talk on the phone. Some loved ones don’t even know what a phone is anymore. 

Not every person I visit knows who I am, even after I introduce myself. I have visited my own family members who no longer know who I am. But they always appreciate the visit in their own way. 

I believe it is important to let your loved one know you’re thinking of them. When phone calls and personal visits aren’t feasible, there are other options. It have done visits where long-distance family members have recorded a message that I can play on my phone for their loved one. It’s especially meaningful when it’s a video message. Cards are nice because the person can display the card. Including pictures in the cards is almost always a good idea. Maybe it’s the most recent family group photo or a picture of yourself. Sometimes (especially loved ones with memory issues) the picture helps them remember who the card is from.

The picture also helps the staff recognize someone who might visit someday.

The world is opening up again, and that means fewer reasons why someone who is homebound (including homebound in a nursing home) should go too long without someone letting her know you’re thinking of her (or him). True, most nursing homes still require visitors to wear masks and true, that sometimes makes it even harder for a loved one to recognize you. But the visits are still so important. As human beings, we are created for community and connection from the womb to the tomb. 

Church families also have a responsibility to homebound members. And I purposely use the phrase “homebound” because I despise the term “shut-in.” Homebound sounds much less insidious to me. It’s a reminder that home is where you make a place a home. The church’s responsibility to let every member know they count, even when they aren’t able to physically step into the church or attend church activities, is important. I often hear people ask me what their purpose is when they feel too old to have a purpose anymore. “Why is God keeping me here?” Sometimes people are surprised they still belong to a church because they can no longer give their time, talents or treasures. 

But they do give their time. They gift me with the time I spend in a visit with them. They gift someone with time when they read the card they receive. They do give their time when someone visits them and sometimes, that visit is good training for future visitations. By allowing someone to share space with them, they are reminding us that we have a calling to keep connecting. 

Especially now when things are opening up again and we do need to look in on all the folks who felt especially isolated this past year. Visits don't have to be long. But they do have to happen.

Also, side note: Make the staff know you see them and appreciate them. If you’re on the elevator with someone who works at a facility or if you pass them in the hall or if they come into the hospital room to take a patient’s vitals, thank them. Let them know you appreciate them because they are a part your loved one’s care team. Our healthcare workers have been rock stars since the beginning, not just the past year. Each facility is different and has different staffing abilities, but we can always try and let staff know we see them and appreciate them.

I do think it’s important to family to make an effort to visit their loved ones, even when it’s hard. And it is important for church families to keep building those connections with people in one way or another. It’s no less than what we hope someone does for our own selves someday. 

 

Do you struggle to visit a loved one in a healthcare facility? Are you looking for more tips on visiting or building connections with members of your own family or church family? Let me know! I’d love to connect with you and do some holy dreaming with you!