Where Have I Been? Ten Tips I'm Learning About Self Care

 I looked at my blog this morning and realized I haven't updated it since August. It's now the second week of October and I have to wonder: where in the world did September go? 

I'll just be honest: I've been tired. I've been teetering on the edge of burn out, noticing that I've been spending an awful lot of time doing things that I really could delegate to someone else. I am leaving for vacation in a couple of days and as I look forward to heading north to the land of Vermont, I want to encourage you. Here are ten things I'm learning about self-care that I hope help you refill your own wells. They are in no particular order.

First: You're doing just fine. Whatever you're doing, give yourself some grace. We're all tired. This pandemic has worn us all out. The headlines and constant reminders of how social injustice affects all of us is exhausting. There is a lot of work to do on all the fronts, but one person cannot do all of the things. Someone asked me recently, regarding my concerns for social justice, "What's your passion? What keeps you up at night?" I had to confess, the sheer number of things to keep me up at night keeps me up at night. And he told me to slow down. Don't try to fix all of the things. I need that reminder from time to time, that as much as I would like to fix everything (I'm such an enneagram 6), I cannot. So, you're doing just fine. Rest. Give yourself grace. Let yourself care about things, but realize that you cannot and thus will not solve the world's problems. You may not even solve your community's problems, and you certainly won't solve anything alone.

Second: Don't go it alone. I'm serious. Find a tribe, a community. I recently got involved with an interfaith community and I realized that this is what I've been missing. The sheer support that comes from knowing you aren't alone and you're in the room with people who have just as much love and passion as you is invaluable. Don't be alone. Don't try to fix yourself alone, either. That's what therapists get paid for. A lot of counseling centers are booked with waiting lists because this year has been crazy for people with mental health issues. As someone who struggles with depression, I believe very strongly in getting help when you need it. Get help when you don't need it to give you the tools you will need when you do need it. Let your friends love you. When your partner asks you what you need, be honest. If you need a nap, take a nap. If you need them to rub your feet and call you princess, feel free to hand them the lavender scented oil. 

Third: Listen to your body. My counselor and my nutritionist have tried to be very clear about this: your body speaks. Your body tells you when it's tired. Your body tells you when you're hungry. Your body tells you when you need to sit up straighter or go for a walk. Our bodies talk to us and when we learn to listen to what our bodies need, it helps us gain what we need to do the next right thing. 

Fourth: Learn stuff. Learning keeps our minds sharp. Don't just learn stuff for work or for professional growth. Learn stuff for the heck of it. I have been watching different YouTube channels that talk about historical events I've never heard of. It's probably not stuff that will ever end up in a blog entry or a sermon or even a facebook post, but it's now something new I know. Learn a new skill. Make time to learn new words. Learn new things about your friends and partner. Talk to older people and learn their stories. Talk to younger people and learn about what brings them joy. We have teachers everywhere if we take time to learn.

Fifth: Stop trying to wear skinny jeans. Listen. Hear me out. I'm not just hating on skinny jeans. I'm hating on all the clothes we wear that we think are stylish, but they feel awful. I know you spent money on that top, and it's super cute. But how do you feel when you wear it? Do you actually feel super cute? Or do you feel like it's clingy? Put that top in the bag for goodwill. Someone who is a thift store shopper is going to pick it up and love it in the way you never could. Also, it will free up space in your closet for the top that looks super cute AND makes you feel amazing when you wear it.

Sixth: Turn off email notifications. Turn off all your notifications while you're at it. Do you really need to hear that pingy noise all day? I turned off my email notifications and it's been a lifesaver. I still check my email, but I'm not a slave to the noise. Anything terribly urgent is something someone is going to call me about anyway. If it's terribly urgent, it's probably not in an email. 

Seventh: Be generous with grace. Be ridiculously generous with grace. Whether it's grace with other drivers, grace with people in line in front of you who have 30 items in the 10 items or less lane (whoa...deep breaths, girl)...have grace. Know that we are all trying to make it through life with our skin on. Some people just won't have grace. Have grace with them, too. Know that something happened to make them extra defensive and ungracious. You don't know their story. When you do need to hold someone accountable, always speak the truth in love and have grace.

Eighth: Drink water. Stay hydrated.

Ninth: Find things that make you laugh. It might be Dino comics on Instagram or cat memes on Pinterest. Find things that make you laugh. I'm talking that big gut belly laugh. When was the last time you had a big gut belly laugh? Find things that give you big gut belly laughs.

Tenth: Breathe. Breathe in, hold for four seconds, breath out. Rinse and repeat. 

And always remember the God of love is watching over you. Life is going to happen as it happens, but God will be with you through all of it. Take deep breaths, give yourself grace, drink some more water, and do the next thing. One step at a time, my siblings. 

What are your greatest self-care tips? Is there something on this list that you just really needed to hear today? Share in the comments!